SSB Failures
by Maxforce
Summary: This is the closest thing I can think of as a blooper reel for SSB. I take character requests. M for language. Temporarily on hiatus.
1. Snake Failures

**Ok, this just kind of came to me. It was just a thought. What would a blooper reel for SSB be like? I think this is a close guess.

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**Snake Failures**

Grenade Fail

"Alright, let's see how you like this," Snake muttered, pulling out one of his seemingly endless supply of grenades and pulled the pin. _Ok, I throw it now and get the full five second fuse_, he thought to himself. _Or I can wait, letting it become a three second fuse. But which choice is the right choice. Hmmmmm….this is kinda like one of those to be or not to be situations, isn't it? Five second or three second…five or thr-_

BOOOOM

"HOLY FUCK! MY HAND! I JUST FUCKING BLEW OFF MY FUCKING HAND! WHAT KIND OF A FUCKING IDIOT AM I?! DAMN, THAT FUCKING HURTS SO FUCKING MUCH! OH, FUCK, FUCK, FUUUUUUCK!!!!"

***

Hide Fail

"Damn it, that is the last time I ever mess with those swordsmen," Snake said to himself, running from Ike, Roy, Marth, and Link. "I only have one option open to me. An option that I never thought would have to be used again." He pulled a cardboard box out of nowhere, pulling it over his head and ducking down under it. "Heh heh, they'll never find me in here."

"Fucking moron," Link said. "Alright guys, let's get him." Link stabbed his sword into the box, leaving it there.

"HOLY SHIT!" Snake had just managed to move his left arm up and out of the blade's path. He then had to move his head, right arm, and back to avoid the last three swords. Snake gulped, sweating bullets. "Please, be the only thing they do. Hey, why the hell am I moving?" Link and the other swordsmen were pushing Snake's box to the edge of a cliff.

"On three," Roy said.

"One," Link said.

"Two," came from Marth.

"THREE!" All four of the swordsmen gave the box one last push, sending Snake over the edge.

"!!!!!" Snake yelled the entire way down, the yell becoming quieter as he neared the bottom.

***

Rocket Fail

"Hang on, let me read the manual," Snake said, holding up his hand. He pulled out a small thick book, flipping a few pages. "This thing is laser guided. That is so fucking sweet." He pulled out a small rocket launcher, looking down the sight at Wolf. "Ok, pull the trigger and aim the laser." He pulled the trigger and watched as the rocket made its way toward Wolf. "Hmmmmm…" Unable to resist his curiosity, he moved the laser to the left and the rocket mimicked its movement. "SWEET!" He began to move the barrel around, the rocket following each movement. He moved it into loops, forgetting about the fight. The rocket suddenly stopped above him and hung there for a few seconds. "I don't like where this is going." The rocket nosed down and fell on him, exploding on him and knocking him off of the stage.

Wolf was puzzled and bent down to read the page that Snake still had the book open to. "Warning. Rocket has five second flight time limit," he read out loud.

***

Pick-Up Fail

Snake whistled as Samus walked by, his eyes moving up and down her body. "Hey there, baby, how about coming to my room," Snake said, leaning against the wall, his arms crossed.

"My, my, my, someone's very confident," Samus said, a coy smile coming to her lips. She began to walk towards him, putting a little swing into her hips. When she neared him, she sent her fingers up and down his arm. "So, do you like aggressive girls?"

"Oh, yes. Yes I do," Snake said, giving her a wink.

"Oh. Well, that's too bad for you. Because aggressive girls _don't,_" she emphasized don't and brought her knee up hard into his crotch, causing him to grimace and bend, "like being picked up like that." She walked off, leaving him to curl up into a fetal position, unable to move.

"I hate my life sometimes," he said, his voice two octaves higher than normal.

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**Again, something I thought would be something of a blooper reel. I don't own any of the characters of SSB. Request a character and I'll see what I can do.**


	2. Olimar Failures

**Alright, sorry this took so long. Here's the very first character request for this little "blooper reel."

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**Olimar Failures**

Pluck Fail

"Please be Red, please be Red," Olimar said, bending down to prepare to pluck a Pikmin. "Alright, let's go…Radish?!" In his hands was a radish instead of a Pikmin. "Ok, let's try this again. Here we go…Onion?" This time he had an onion in his hands. He looked up at his opponent. "Just…hang on…I'm trying my best. Alright, come on, be a Pikmin, be a Pikmin." He pulled once more, but this time came up with a carrot. "Ok, one more time. One more…come on, I need something to work with." He bent down and grabbed a stem. "Alright, I'll pull on three. One, two, THREE!...A FUCKING BANANA! WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A FUCKING BANANA UNDER THE FUCKING GROUND?!"

***

Pikmin Throw Fail

Olimar picked up Purple, but then dropped him. "Geez, Purple. Time to lay off the Twinkies," Olimar said, going to pick up his legs.

"But I like the Twinkies," Purple replied as Olimar began to spin as if he was doing a hammer throw.

"Yeah, yeah." Olimar released Purple and continued to spin two more revolutions and then stopped. "Uh…what happened to Purple?" Red pointed up and Olimar followed the motion with his eyes. He saw Purple coming back down, directly over him. "Oh, sh-"

THUD

Purple sat in a little crater, looking for Olimar. "Purple," a muffled voice said from under him. "Get off of me." Purple stood up and walked off of Olimar, but not before a cracking sound was heard. "MY LEGS! I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"

***

Rocket Ship Fail

"Ha ha, later, bastard!"Olimar yelled, jumping into his rocket ship. The ship took off, night fell, and creatures began to appear. "They'll never live through that." Olimar heard a coughing sound, confused. "What the fuck is that sound?" He looked out the hole, trying to see if it was coming from outside the ship and noticed the flames from the thruster sputtering. "Shit!" The rocket began to fall. There was a large creature that looked up as it heard a whistling sound and saw its next meal, opening its mouth wide. The rocket landed, sliding down the creature's gullet. "I'm going to kill White when I get outta here." The creature burped, now content, and promptly left.

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**I'm probably gonna have to do rewrite of this later. I couldn't think of much to do to little Olimar. Like before, I'm taking character requests.**


	3. Ike Failures

**Ok, this one was a little harder. I could only see one of two moves to make a fail of. But I think I got a little more to work with now.

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**Ike Failures**

Sword Fail

"YOU DIE TODAY!" Ike slammed his sword into Link's skull, closing his eyes to keep the spray of blood from blinding him. But the blood never came. He opened his eyes to see that his sword was bent, Link's eye twitching. "Oh, shit. I grabbed my cosplay sword." He backed up, his hands held up defensively. "Heh heh. Sorry about that Link. I was just getting into the moment, you know? So, no hard feelings?...Link…buddy, come on, I wasn't actually going to…wait, what are you doing? Link? OH, FUCK!" Ike ran, trying to get away from Link, who had switched out his Master Sword for a Buster Blade(_Whoa, wait. Where the fuck did he get that from? This is a double sword fail now._)

***

Aether Fail

"Now it's over," Ike said, throwing his sword up, catching Marth in the upswing to knock him into the air as well. Ike jumped up to follow, grabbing for the hilt, but the sword had spun, placing the hilt on the far side of the sword, meaning Ike was about to experience some serious pain.

THUNK

"DAMN IIIIT!" Ike held his head, the blood flowing freely from the wound. "HOW THE FUCK COULD I BE SO STUPID?!"

***

Victory Pose Fail (if they used victory poses)

"Ha ha, what now, bitches," Ike said. He swung the sword up, spun it twice, and then plunged it into the ground. "…HOLY FUCK!" Ike grabbed his foot, jumping around on the other. The sword had hit his toe, leaving a gash. "Oh man, oh man, oh maaaaan. Damn, that hurts. Oh, fuck, it hurts so much!"

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**The problem with doing Ike was his lack of special moves. Most of them aren't very easy to make a fail of. Again, may have to rewrite this one.**


	4. DeDeDe Failures

**Sorry I took so long for this, people. I've been caught up with a few other things. Again, I apologize.

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**DeDeDe Failures**

Flaming Curry Fail

King DeDeDe picked up a small bowl of red liquid on rice, smiling and swallowing. "Now, feel the burn!" DeDeDe opened his mouth, but the only thing that came out was a small cloud of smoke. He heard a rumbling and grabbed his stomach. "Uh oh." He ran into the bushes and Wolf heard a sigh of relief, followed by a horrible smell and then screaming. "IT BURNS!"

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Hammer Fail

DeDeDe swung his hammer back, the opening splitting apart to reveal a rocket in the back. He was about to swing the hammer when the rocket sputtered out, resulting in DeDeDe's confused expression. "What the fuck? I just filled this thing's tank two hours ago," he said, looking into the engine. He then heard a click, the sparker coming back to life. He paled, just seconds before the engine came back to life, barbecuing his face. The hammer then flew out of his hands, flying wildly around the stage, Mario and Bowser dodging under it. At last, the hammer came to rest…in DeDeDe's face. "I give," he grumbled, waving a white flag.

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Tackle Fail

"You're mine, you little pink bastard!" DeDeDe jumped at Kirby, twisting his body to the side. Kirby jumped to the side, his foot planting itself in DeDeDe's crotch as he missed the pink being. DeDeDe curled up, holding his area, whining. "YOU FUCKING PIECE OF PINK SHIT!" DeDeDe yelled, his voice at _least_ two octaves higher.

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Waddle Dee Army Fail

"Go, my minions! Go and destroy it all!" DeDeDe pointed his hand forward…and looked at the waddle dees as they all pulled out lunch boxes. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

"Lunch break," a red waddle dee explained.

"I didn't authorize this!"

"You wanna take it up with the union," the waddle dee asked, pulling out a cellphone.

"NO! I mean, no need to call them. After all, this is just a little break. You little fellas work so hard as is, I'm even gonna give you the rest of the day off. Now, you go ahead and enjoy your lunch," DeDeDe said, giving the waddle dee a gentle push in the back towards the rest of them, sweating bullets. He wiped his eyebrow. _Just dodged the bullet on that one,_ he thought to himself.

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**Again, sorry for the long update. I'm gonna try to keep up with this best I can. Still doing character requests…well, actually, that's my only source of chapters. So, without those requests…I got no story…yeah…ok, Please Review and Request.**


	5. Ganondorf Failures

**Next up, Ganondork…er, Ganondorf…actually, I think I like Ganondork better. Word to the wise on this first failure. It isn't so much a fail I came up with, but more of an actual fail…one which I experience quite often…

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Warlock Punch Fail

"GRAAH!" Ganondorf growled, pulling his fist back. A dark energy began to build up as he held the fist back another five seconds.

"FALCON PAWNCH!" Captain Falcon slammed his fist into Ganondorf's stomach, knocking him back. He jumped back and motioned for Ganondorf to come at him. "Show me yawr moves!"

"GRAAAAH!" Ganondorf once more charged his fist up, apparently coming to the conclusion that growling longer meant he could hit fast.

"FALCON…." Captain Falcon held the pose for a couple of seconds. "PAWNCH!" He once more threw his fist forward, hitting Ganondorf just as he brought his energy enwrapped fist at Captain Falcon. "Show me yawr moves!"

"WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP? Just….give me six seconds, please?"

"Hmmmmm….FALCON PAWNCH!" Ganondorf held his crotch, going down, squeaking in pain.

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Taunt Fail

"Now, gaze in wonder at my sword of awesome glowing…power…stuff," Ganondorf said, pulling out a sword that glowed pink. "Ah, yes. See the sword…fear the sword…you want the swo-"

SNAP

"…"

Ganondorf and Link looked down at the top half of the sword. "Uhh…" Link stood there, speechless. "Did the sword of the Sages…just….break?"

"I, uh…I believe it did," Ganondorf replied.

"I thought it was….ya know, unbreakable…"

"Anyone have some glue?" Ganondorf looked around. "Or maybe some duct tape?...Anyone? Anyone at all?" He looked around and then looked back at Link. "Well, uh…this is somewhat…"

"Awkward," Link finished.

"Yeah….you, uh…you wanna grab a coffee or something?"

"Ah, hell. Why not?"

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Warthog Fail

Ganondorf broke a Smash ball, laughing darkly. "Prepare…for your worst nightmare," he said. He was surrounded by smoke, a shadow of something horrible appearing, large horns curving from its head to under its mouth, the shadow stepping out to reveal…a warthog?

"Uh…where am I," the red warthog asked, looking around. "And where's Timon? And Simba and Nala?"

"Uh…who's the pig," Snake asked, looking at Samus and Kirby. Both shrugged, shaking their heads, while the warthog had stiffened, his tail straightening.

"What did you call me?" He began grunting a little.

"Uh…pig…"

"They call me…MISTER PIG!"

Meanwhile, in a savannah setting….

"Back! Back you…whatever the hell you little creeps are," Ganondorf yelled, swiping at a group of three hyenas that were slowly closing in on him.

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**Uh, before I end this, I should probably go ahead and inform you that I do not own Lion King.**


	6. Mewtwo Failures

**Mewtwo Failures**

Teleport Fail

"Ha, missed me, missed me," Mewtwo 'spoke', doing the whole spoiled brat routine jig, complete with the 'nah-nah-nah-nah-nah' hands as he laughed at Snake.

"Yeah, you wouldn't be so hot if it weren't for those stupid teleporting powers," Snake grumbled.

"Here we go again," Mewtwo said, disappearing. A wind stirred up, leaves going by and a even a tumbleweed coming from nowhere.

"Uh….what do I do now," Snake asked, looking around.

"Uh….we're gonna call the match in favor of Snake," Master Hand announced. "And figure out where Mewtwo disappeared to."

Meanwhile…

"NO! GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU OLD BITTIES!" Mewtwo yelled, clawing into the floor as he tried to escape the bathhouse he had teleported to. Outside, there was sign that said: 'Women's Bathhouse: Seniors' Night.' "HELP ME!"

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Smart Bomb Fail

"Ugh," Mewtwo grunted, falling down. "I need…a…berry." He just managed to get back to his feet to dodge a Flamethrower from Charizard, but still had his tail burned. He landed on a Smart Bomb, but because his vision was beginning to blur, he mistook it for a berry. "Perfect." He picked it up and swallowed it, grinning, a cackling beginning on his lips.

"Uh….that wasn't a berry," the trainer said, his jaw having dropped. "That was a Smart Bomb."

Mewtwo's grin started to falter, his eyes dulling a little. "You're, uh, kidding….right?" Charizard and the trainer both shook their heads no. "Oh, fuck. This is gonna hurt." They heard a rumbling and looked at Mewtwo's stomach, his stomach stretching out a little. After a bit, it subsided and Mewtwo rubbed his stomach, burping up a little smoke. "Well, that wasn't so bad."

"Uh, aren't the Smart Bombs two stage for this area?"

"Oh, sh-"

BOOM

*Due to the graphic nature of the scene following the explosion, it was recommended that we instead show a picture of a kitten. Please enjoy the kitten.*

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Telekinesis Fail

"Now, I shall crush you with…this GIANT rock," Mewtwo said, touching his left hand to his head, his right hand stretching out to a large boulder. "Now, rise." The boulder gave a little twitch, then stopped.

"Uh…." Link stood there, watching the boulder.

"Hang on…alright, again. RISE!" Once again, the boulder twitched, but still did not rise. "DAMN IT! MOVE, YOU STUPID PEBBLE!" This time, the boulder did move. It rolled across the edge of the cliff before rolling off the edge to fall onto Mewtwo. "Fuck."

BAM

Mewtwo's arm came out from under the boulder, holding up a sign that said: 'Get this off of me. Please.'

"Can I go home now," Link asked, wishing he hadn't bothered getting out of bed that morning.

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**Some thanks goes to Gammatron for supplying ideas for this chapter. And the last fail had a message. Don't mess with nature. It doesn't like being yelled at.**


	7. Link Failures

**Link Failures**

Gale Boomerang Fail

"Gale Boomerang!" Link shouted, throwing the said weapon at Mario, the tornado sucking him up and shooting him back out. Link held his hand out to catch it, but nothing happened. "Uh…" He brought his arm back and then thrust it forward again, but still nothing came back. "Where did it go?"

WHACK

Link's head snapped forward, the Gale Boomerang flying forward. "What the fuck was that?" The Gale Boomerang hit him in the back of the head again and this time he saw it. He turned around to catch it when it hit him again. "DAMN IT!" He decided to do a ninety degree turn, so that he could see both ways the boomerang had come.

WHACK

The boomerang had somehow hit him from behind again, a vein on his forehead popping out from anger. "Fucking piece of shit!" This time, the boomerang started to hit him rapidly. Link's eyes were now spinning. He held up a finger and was about to say something when the boomerang hit him in the face this time. He fell backwards off the stage, the Gale Boomerang coming back for one more hit before coming to rest in his hand as he continued to fall. He held it up to his face and looked at it. "I fucking hate you right now..."

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Bow Fail

Link took out his bow, stretching it back, taking aim at Snake's chest. "Just a bit more," he said. He pulled a little farther, but the arrow suddenly fell down. The bow was too big for the arrow, confusing Link. "What the hell?" He began to grumble, reaching into his back quiver to pull out another arrow. This time, it seemed the bow wasn't big enough, so he pulled it even farther back.

SNAP

"MY EYES! OH, FUCK, MY EYES! I'VE GONE BLIND!" Link held his now bleeding eyes, a result of the splinters from the now broken bow flying into his face.

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Claw Fail

"Come on, damn it, work!" Link exclaimed, slapping the side of his claw. It sprang open, digging into Link's thigh. "Damn it!" He hit it again, launching the chain, but the claw wouldn't disengage. "FUCK!" He hit it again and this time, the claw let go, while the chain reset itself. "Finally. Ok, let's try this puppy out." He jumped off the edge, shooting the claw at the edge, but it didn't fire. "FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" He hit the button once more and this time, it fired, but it curved to slam into his…very sensitive area just below his belt. He screamed two octaves higher than normal.

"Well, at least he can join the Glee Club now," Marth said. "Alright fellas, on three." He turned to all of the male Smashers, who were in red robes. "And a one, and a two…"

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**Hope you all enjoyed that one. Please Review.**


	8. Kirby Failures

**Kirby Failures**

Speech Fail

"Poyo," Kirby said, charging Snake.

"Uh…I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that," Snake said.

"Po...Yo..."

"I'm sorry, but could you repeat that in English, please?"

"Poyo, Poyo, POYO!"

"WOULD YOU JUST FUCKING TALK IN ENGLISH?"

"POYO!"

"No. Say it with me. English….Eng….lish…."

"…..poyo…."

"DAMN IT!" Snake began beating his head against the brick wall.

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Stone Fail

"Poyo!" Kirby exclaimed, changing into a stone. He landed on a conveyor belt, heading to a rock crusher.

"Uh, Kirby," Ike began. "Kirby, you might wanna get off…Kirby…." Kirby didn't change and just sat there, getting ever closer to the crusher. "Kirby, come on now. Don't kid like this…._Kirby_!"

KRRRK

"Oh, damn," Ike said, shaking his head. "The little pink ball of…whatever….never stood a chance." Ike watched as a pile of pink gravel came out the back of the machine, a pair of shoes among the pile. "Oh, well. I still get my twenty bucks from Marth." Ike left the arena, whistling happily to himself.

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Inhale Fail

Kirby began sucking in air, trying to pull Snake into his stomach. "Oh, shit!" Snake said, digging his knife into the ground to hold himself in place. He tried to find a weapon, any weapon, but all he had left was his spoon from his lunch. "Damn it! I told Otacon to send me grenades!" Kirby stopped inhaling just long enough for a few quick breaths before starting again. "Fuck! This'll just have to do." Snake threw the spoon, hoping to hit Kirby, but it instead flew down his gullet. "FUCK!" Kirby stopped inhaling, grabbing where his neck would be and began gagging. He continued this for a few minutes before falling back, dead. "…So, let me get this straight," Snake said to himself. "I can throw grenades, missiles, even a nuclear warhead into the little guy and nothing would happen…but he swallows a spoon….and chokes…well, I'm not complaining."

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**Ok, shorter chapter than usual. Odds are, I'm gonna end up rewriting a lot of these or doing revisits, so even if the chapter sucks, it'll more than likely end up as a rewrite anyways.**


	9. Samus Failures

**Samus Failures**

Laser Charge Fail

Samus held up her gun, letting the laser charge. Just as she was getting ready to fire it, the gun exploded, ripping it off her arm, leaving her arm burnt. "OH, FUCK! FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" Samus yelled, clutching the hand. "DAMN THIS SUIT! DAMN IT TO HELL! OH, FUCK, SOMEONE GET ME SOME FUCKING ICE!" Lucas was holding his hands over his ears, his eyes wide as Samus continued her string of curses. Who'd have thought she had such a large repertoire of words?

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Morph Ball Fail

Samus curled up into the morph ball, planning on ramming into Mario. She went to go forward, but couldn't. "What the hell?"

"Ah, excuse-a me, but aren't-a you supposed to be shaped like a ball?" Mario asked.

"What?" Mario turned her around to face a waterfall, which acted as a mirror. She saw her reflection and freaked out. "A SQUARE? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS SUIT?" She then tried to get out of the Morph "Ball", but couldn't. "DAMN IT! I'm stuck!"

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Missile Fail

Samus's gun changed at the end, opening up to reveal a missile port. She fired a missile, the missile's thruster sputtering and then stopped completely, so that it fell out of the opening. She looked down at it and touched it with the tip of her foot. "Oh, just a dud," she said. She continued to poke it with the tip of her foot.

BOOM

"FUCK!" she yelled, flying off into the distance and disappearing with a twinkle over the horizon.

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Zero Suit Fail

Samus's armor fell off after using her Final Smash, landing on her feet. "Uh…is there a draft in here?" she asked. Snake began to whistle, howling like a wolf. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She then noticed where the draft was coming from and she quickly covered her body with her arms. "DAMN IT!" She looked at Snake, who continued whistling and howling. "Fucking pervert!" She hit him hard with her foot, knocking him off the stage. "Time to get the suit in the shop…"

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**So ends that Failure chapter. These fails can be a pain in the ass sometimes. I was torn between doing a zero suit and normal armor chapter mixed and just doing them separate. In the end, I decided to do them separate. I'll have to figure out some more fails for the other characters. Don't be surprised if I don't update this for a week or so.**


	10. Sonic Failures

**Sonic Failures**

Series Fail

Sonic broke the Smash Ball as it appeared, his body glowing. "Oh, shit," Snake said.

"Heh heh," Sonic chuckled. "Now you're screwed." He held his arms in front of him and then threw them to his sides. "Kaio-Ken!"

"What the hell? Wrong series, you fucking moron!" Snake yelled at Sonic.

Meanwhile…

A man in an orange outfit with black hair looked into the sky. "Something wrong, Goku," a green man asked, two antenna on his forehead, a black jumpsuit on his body.

"I don't know, Piccolo. But for some reason, I feel like beating up a talking blue hedgehog…"

"…You on something?"

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Taunt Fail

"Pick it up!" Sonic exclaimed, spinning on his backside.

"Oh, for the luvva…Shut up already!" Snake said.

"Pick it up!" Sonic did it once more before slipping on a random banana peel and Snake heard something crack. "MY ARM!"

"Wow…just, wow…" Snake took out a PDA, tapping on the keyboard. "Thank DK later," he said as he finished typing.

* * *

Spin Dash Fail

"Get ready, Snake," Sonic said, curling up and began to spin at high speeds. "Cause here I come!" He shot off at Snake, who jumped out of the way. Sonic collided with a wall, stopping.

"Ha. Missed," Snake said.

"You fucking….uh….uh-oh."

"What?"

"I'm stuck…"

"You're what?"

"Stuck." Sonic tried to pull himself out of the wall, but couldn't. "Yep, I'm stuck."

"Good job, Sonic."

"Oh, shut it."

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**Sorry this took a while. I've been occupied with one of my other stories.**


	11. Diddy Kong Failures

**Diddy Kong Failures**

Popgun Fail

"Ha ha," Diddy said, aiming his peanut popgun at Yoshi. He pulled the trigger, letting it build up a little charge before releasing it. But nothing happened. Diddy looked confused, while Yoshi just looked bored. "Um, could you give a sec?" He pulled the trigger a few times, but still nothing. "Um….well, uh…."

BOOM

Diddy's face was covered with soot from the backfire, Yoshi rolling on the ground laughing at him. "Why, you!" Diddy aimed once more, but held the trigger for the maximum charged, but again, nothing happened. He then heard what sounded like a hiss before the gun began to shake. "Oh, sh-"

BOOOOOOM

"FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! NO DAMN GOOD HUNK OF JUNK!" Diddy continued to scream like so at the gun, while Yoshi began to munch on a bag of popcorn he had pulled from nowhere as the gun began to emit several more explosions, resulting in more streams of curses from Diddy.

* * *

Peanut Fail

"Ooo, a peanut," Diddy said, picking up a green shell.

"Uh, Diddy, I wouldn't do that if I were you," Link said.

"Ah, fooey. Whadda you know about peanuts?" Diddy popped the peanut into his mouth before he began to gag. "Ack! Wheeze!" He spun around, his arm outstretched before falling over.

Link sighed as Diddy passed over into unconsciousness. "Tried to warn him. That was one of Bowser's nose nuggets." He sighed once more. "Somebody call a medic!" he called out.

* * *

Rocketbarrel Fail

"Fire!" Diddy yelled, his right fist above his head, his rocketbarrels on his back. "Um….I said, fire!" He continued to stand there, feeling awkward. "DAMN IT, FIRE ALREADY!" The barrel began to spark. "Yes!"

BOOM

"Looks like I'm blasting off again!" Diddy yelled as he disappeared into the horizon.

Meanwhile…

"Do you get the feeling a little monkey just stole our line?" a man with purple hair and a shirt with a red R on it asked a woman with long red hair, her shirt somewhat mimicking his.

"Funny. I was just thinking the same thing…" the girl answered.

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…**Ok, sue me. It was just staring me in the face. I couldn't help myself…**


	12. Mario Failures

**Mario Failures**

F.L.U.D.D. Fail

"Let's-a go!" Mario exclaimed as F.L.U.D.D. appeared on his back. He aimed the hose at Sonic, who started ducking and weaving at random, hoping that Mario wouldn't get a bead on him. "Fire!" Sonic ducked, waiting for the high pressure flow of water to hit him. But all he heard was a dripping sound. He looked up to see Mario's hose dripping steadily. "Uh…damn." Mario started hitting the hose. "Come on, work. Work, damn it!" He continued to hit it. Suddenly, it released a stream of water, sending Mario flying all around the stage. "He-elp me, da-amn it!" Sonic just stood there, watching as the water slammed Mario all around the stage. Finally, he stopped flying and landed on his face hard. He looked at Sonic with a glare. "I. Hate. You." He then passed out.

* * *

Fireball Fail

"Ha ha!" Mario summoned a fireball in his hand and let it fly. Or so he thought.

"Uh, Mario," Link said. "You might wanna look at your hand."

"Huh?" Mario looked at his hand to see it was now on fire. "OH, SHIT! PUT IT OUT, PUT IT OUT!" He began running in a circle, waving his hands wildly. This resulted in the flames spreading to the rest of his clothing. Soon, his entire body was engulfed in flames. "SOMEBODY, PUT THE FUCKING FIRE OUT!"

"Hold still," Link called, running up with a bucket. He threw the contents of the bucket at Mario, but the flames leaped up, growing larger.

"AHHHHHHH!" Link took a closer look at the bucket. On the side of the bucket was an "E", the rest of the word covered with grime. Link wiped it off and the word "GASOLINE" was now visible on the bucket. He looked back at Mario, who was still running in a circle.

"Uh….oops?"

* * *

**Well, it was only two, sadly. Sorry, but as I've said in previous chapters, I am thinking of redoing some, revisiting others. Now, before I end this, I have two announcements. First, a friend of mine, silver fire wolf, is currently trying to find some OCs for a new fic of hers, Litheral Academy. Please PM her about details if you're interested. It would be appreciated. The second is that I am thinking about doing cooperative chapters for this story. If I do decide to do so, each update will have a small question or something like an objective to do. The first to correctly answer or fulfill will (I hope) help me with the next chapter. But, this isn't a sure thing yet. I'm still throwing it around my mind. Oh, and please be sure that if I do this and you want to answer, make sure you actually have an account on FF. It will make everything much easier if I do it.**


	13. Captain Falcon Failures

**Captain Falcon Failures**

Falcon Punch Fail

…I can't do it. I just can't. I mean, I have thought of almost everything, but nothing is really a fail for this move. It's just too awesome and fucking EPIC! SO, this fail is on me. Making it an Author Fail. Man, I really hope we don't have many more of these.

* * *

Falcon Kick Fail

"Falcon Kick!" Captain Falcon stuck his right leg out at Marth, shooting at him straight as an arrow. Until Marth sidestepped, Captain Falcon getting his leg stuck in the wall. "Ah, crap!" He pulled his leg out and aimed at Marth once more, who was now at the edge. "Falcon Ki- FUUUUUUUuuuuuuccckkkk!" Marth held his hand to his ear as Captain Falcon's voice continued to fall in pitch until he heard a splash after a few seconds.

* * *

Blue Falcon Fail

"Let's go, Blue Falcon!" Captain Falcon jumped up as his vehicle came racing up, but didn't make it into the cockpit. Instead, the Blue Falcon slammed into him, sending him flying into a wall. "Blue Falcon, why do you betray me?" Captain Falcon yelled as the Blue Falcon sent him flying once more, this time off the stage.

* * *

Sidekick Fail

"Private Bluejay, reporting for duty!" a small kid exclaimed, all in pink, saluting Captain Falcon.

"Uh…who are you?"

"I am your sidekick, Private Bluejay, sir!"

"Uh…huh….ok, sure. Do you have a racer?"

"Of course, sir." The boy pointed to an all pink racer, the racer slightly smaller than the Blue Falcon.

"…No fucking way. Just…no….you're fired." Captain Falcon walked away, leaving Bluejay to stand there with his mouth open.

* * *

**That last one was an idea I got from a friend. He and another guy were thinking about how Batman had Robin and decided to come up with a sidekick for Captain Falcon. So, they came up with Private Bluejay. And now, I'm going to try out a co-op chapter. It's going to be a two part question. Now then. *ahem* In Volume 2 of Gin Tama (bonus points for anyone who can tell me what this title roughly translates to), there is a drug ring plot introduced. Now, here's the first part. What was the name of the gang running it? And second, who is the leader of this gang? And I mean the guy with the sword? Oh, shit, that almost gives it away. Oh, well. Oh, you must have both answers correct, by the way. PM or review, whichever. But, you **_**must**_** have a FF account. Otherwise, you're out of the running already. Wait, wait. Before I stop. The bonus point is good for…well, anything I suppose. As long as it involves writing on this site and it's got to be T or less. Yes, I know, it might be a ripoff to you, but it's all I could think of, ok.**


	14. Metaknight Failures

**Metaknight Failures**

Shuttle Loop Failure

"Yah!" Metaknight jumped up, pulling back for a loop.

WHAM

Right into the brick wall. He slowly slid down, just as the trap door, which he had been trying to get _off_ of before it opened, opened. He fell through into the dark and screaming was heard. "What…what's down there?" Link asked, scared to learn the answer.

"The unspeakable, Link," Lucario answered, shaking his head. "The unspeakable." Link listened and could have sworn he heard what sounded like someone singing 'I love you, you love me.'

* * *

Mach Tornado Failure

"Gotcha now, you little pink bastard!" Metaknight exclaimed. He started spinning, heading towards Kirby, but suddenly slowed, still spinning in place. "Oh, fuck. I'm so dizzy."

"Poyo?"

"Damn. Last time I ever go drinking before a match." With that, he fell on his back, passed out.

"…Poyo…" Kirby then walked out, leaving the drunken Metaknight to his alcohol induced dreams.

"Oh, you naughty pastry, you," Metaknight said, drool starting to spill out of his mask.

* * *

Galaxia Darkness Failure

"Prepare for your death," Metaknight said, throwing his cape at Kirby…only for the wind to whip it back in his face. Metaknight was then surrounded by darkness. "Holy shit! It's dark!"

"And now for your doom," he heard. He then realized that he had said it himself. "Oh, I do _not_ like where this is going." He felt his hand move of its own accord and slash through himself. "IT BURNS!" When the darkness was gone, he saw Kirby eating popcorn and waving at him. "Why the hell are you waving?" Kirby then pointed down. Metaknight looked down to see that he was over the edge of the arena and his wings were trapped under his cape. He held up a sign saying 'I don't get paid enough.' He then fell, screaming like a little girl the entire way down.

* * *

**Sorry about the long wait, people. Things were happening, one thing led to another, and next thing I know, I all but completely forget about this story. The Mach Tornado was courtesy of Shadowheart10, who was the closest to last chapter's answer. Since that didn't really pan out all that well, I'm gonna have to rethink these mini contests. Although that particular failure was slightly edited.**


	15. Pokemon Trainer Failures

**Pokemon Trainer Failures**

Reputatution Fail

"Next is Ash Ketchum," Master Hand said.

"Uh…ahem. My name is actually'?'" the pokemon trainer said.

"'?'? What kind of name is that?" Link asked.

"Well, it's what my mom named me…"

"But…'?'….I mean, what the hell man? No one can even say it."

"But-"

"And besides, Ash is way cooler than you," Link continued. "I mean, he's the fucking champ for Pete's sake. And you…I mean, dude, no one even knows who the hell you are. You're just some random trainer."

"…" The pokemon trainer went over to one of the corners and began to cry.

"Uh…I…think Link wins this one…" Master Hand said.

* * *

Command Fail

"Go, Charizard!" The pokemon trainer threw a pokeball and Charizard came out. "Use Flamethrower!" Charizard complied…although the trainer probably wasn't expecting it to be aimed at him. "OW! HOT! HOT!" He glared at the dragon. "What the hell, Charizard? I meant on the other guy. Use flamethrower!" Once more, Charizard complied, but again aimed it at the trainer, who was now pissed. "Is this about me forgetting your birthday?" Charizard nodded. "And you wonder why I don't use you often." He brought Charizard back and threw out Venusaur. "Venusaur, Bullet Seed! OOOWWWWWW!" The trainer grabbed his rear, running back and forth, dodging the seeds. "Damn it, this is why I like Squirtle more!"

* * *

Series Fail(Yes, I am recycling this type of fail)

"Go! Squirtle!" The trainer threw the pokeball. But instead of Squirtle, he got…a little orange…dinosaur? "Uh….what the fuck?"

"Hey, where's Tai at?" the little dinosaur asked, looking around.

"Oh, boy. Really hope someone doesn't sue."

Meanwhile…

"Oh, great," a boy in blue, with goggles and wildly spiked brown hair said. "I swear, if we get sued, I am firing my agent." Squirtle just cocked his head in confusion at the boy.

* * *

**Okay, surely most of you can guess which series is used in the last fail. Another shorter than normal chapter…I think. It occurs to me that perhaps I should check all word counts…Ah, well, whatever.**


	16. Pit Failures

**Pit Failures**

Angel Ring Fail

"Yah!" Pit began to spin his blades, a ring appearing. But he suddenly stopped, his eyes widening. Link noticed that he was only holding one arrow.

"Uh, Pit…are…you okay?" Link asked.

Pit shook his head before screaming his head off, hopping up and down on one foot. The missing blade had apparently impaled itself into his foot when it flew out of his hand. He kept jumping like this until he tripped and fell flat on his face. Link was even more surprised when Pit started yelling strings of curses. His language would have made even the hardest of sailors look like little kids.

* * *

Paletuna's Arrow Fail

Pit pulled back on the string, a light arrow appearing. He kept pulling before letting fly. Although he didn't quite get the desired result. Instead, the string flung him forward somehow, the arrow staying perfectly in place. Link sidestepped so that Pit face planted into the column behind him. To add injury to insult, the column then crumbled on top of Pit. The only visible part of his body was his legs, his left foot twitching. And then the arrow finally shot off…hitting Pit where the sun don't shine. Needless to say, Pit was in quite a bit of pain.

* * *

**Okay, I admit, I was a little lazy with this one.**


	17. Lucario Failures

**Lucario Failures**

Series Fail(Okay, this is just too good to pass up)

"Kame," Lucario began, charging up an Aura Sphere.

"He isn't," Link said.

"Hame," Lucario continued.

Ike sighed. "He is," he said, shaking his head.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Lucario released his "Kamehameha" at Link, subsequently hitting a Smash Ball. He jumped into the air. "Spirit…"

"I told you we shouldn't have let watch that show," Ike said. "But, nooo. 'It would be a good experience for him' you said."

"Oh, shut up," Link shot back. He then noticed the Aura Storm Lucario was about to unleash. "Oh, son of a-"

"BOMB!"

BOOM

Ike groaned, throwing the rubble off of himself. "To hell with it," he said, moaning. "I'm going back to bed."

* * *

Force Palm Fail(the second Series Fail of this chapter)

"Do not underestimate the power of the Aura," Lucario said, wearing a scuba mask and tank, his voice pinging with each breath.

"Alright, who let him watch Star Wars?" Ike said.

"Feel the power of the Aura," Lucario said, hitting Ike with a blast of Aura from his hand.

"Would somebody, PLEASE, keep him away from the anime and movies?" Link yelled. "Next thing you know, he's going to start quoting Yoda!"

"There is no try," Lucario began before Ike kicked him off the stage.

"Shut the fuck up, already!" he yelled at Lucario.

* * *

Item Fail (Light Sword)

"Oooo, shiny," Lucario said, picking up a Light Sword handle. He hit the button, but nothing happened. He looked at it, beating it for a few minutes, before hitting the button again. This time, a red blade appeared. "Why does this look familiar?"

Meanwhile…

"Has anyone seen my lightsaber?" a man in all black asked, his mask hiding his face, muffling his voice. "I could have sworn I left it right here."

"Did you check the Death Star, Lord Vader?" a random man in a gray uniform asked, his shoulder holding an insignia.

"Ah, good idea. In fact, now would be a good time to try out my new TIE fighter, wouldn't it?"

* * *

**Ah-ha! That's why Darth Vader was in the Death Star!...Ok, I couldn't resist. I mean, come on, when you make a move called "Force Palm" and an item called Light Sword(only one word difference), you're just asking for a Star Wars reference. Also, a friend of mine asked me to put in a mini "ad". It seems there is one kingratchet93 on youtube doing an anime contest. There is no prize money, but the winner does get subscriptions. So, basically, if twenty people were to sign up, the winner would receive twenty subs, plus one from the host of this contest. It ends on October 5, I believe. Tell anyone you know who has an interest in AMV making, anime drawing, and things along those lines. It should be a simple matter of searching the username. Also, next chapter will be a special one. It will be the first failure chapter for a boss.  
**


	18. Special Failure: Rayquaza

**Hey, I'm back on this fic…uh, sorry about…two months without anything. Things have been…complicated…anyways, as promised, this chapter will be a boss failure. So, let's get started.

* * *

**

**Special Failure: Rayquaza**

Burrow Fail

"Okay, so all we have to do is dodge twice?" Ike asked Link as Rayquaza circled over head.

"Yeah, pretty much," Link answered, keeping his eye on Rayquaza. "Jump…now!" They jumped to either side as Rayquaza dive bombed straight down. "Make sure to keep moving so he can't get you coming out of-"

WHAM

"Um…Link?"

"Yeah?"

"What just happened?" They walked over to Rayquaza, who was laying there. Link poked it with his sword and nothing happened.

"I…I think he just knocked himself out…"

"So…does that mean we can go home?"

* * *

Fly Fail

"Move, move!" Samus yelled as Rayquaza rushed them, starting to rise. Suddenly, Rayquaza stopped rising and its eyes widened as it hit the tree. It gave an animal groan, slowly rearing back, shaking its head.

"What's wrong with Rayquaza?" Diddy Kong asked, watching the dragon warily.

"I…I think he's…drunk!" Rayquaza tried lifting off once more and fell back to the ground, shaking its head once more. "Uh…wow…"

"Anyone got an aspirin?" Rayquaza roared. "And turn off that damn light!"

* * *

Meeting Failure (Which will be done for each boss)

"Order, order!" Tabuu called, slamming his fist on a desk. The final bosses all began to quiet down. "Okay, first order of business…it seems there has been a problem with drinking before a battle. Now, I understand that you fellas are just trying to be good villains, but please, try and save it for afterwards. Also, has anyone seen Rayquaza?"

"Uh…right here," Rayquaza answered from the back. Everyone turned back and then laughed at him. His scales had all turned pink and his lips had swelled up to three times their normal size.

"My god, what happened?"

"Um…would you believe…puberty?" Tabuu tried to keep a straight face, but failed after ten seconds. "Oh, come on!"

"I'm sorry, but…oh, my sides! Quick, someone get a camera!" Tabuu yelled, rolling behind the podium.

"Ah, fuck alla you!" Rayquaza roared, slapping a hole in the wall with his tail. Everyone laughed even harder when they noticed the end of his tail was in the shape of a heart.

* * *

**Again, sorry about two months with nothing.**


End file.
